


it's the way you whisper

by blastellanos



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 17:18:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11994393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blastellanos/pseuds/blastellanos
Summary: He doesn't remember the exact moment he falls in love with Justin, but he knows it happened all at once.





	it's the way you whisper

**Author's Note:**

> Non-beta'd. Not intended for slander.
> 
> Title is from "Sweat" by Tool. 
> 
> A gift for [miguelcabreras](http://miguelcabreras.tumblr.com) on tumblr.

i.

Upton and Verlander get traded on the same day and Verlander's departure comes with an outpouring of love and respect. Nick feels alone in longing for Upton to be there. He stares across at his empty locker with a sinking feeling in his stomach. The **8 Upton** still taunts him and while everyone else is commiserating, he stands by it and reaches up, lets his fingers trail over the U like a lover pining over a picture of a lost loved one.

It's an apt comparison. 

There's a text from J.D. _whooooa boy remember when u thought me going was gonna be the worst thing that happened this year?_ There's a laughing emoji and Nick knows he means well enough but he thinks about throwing his phone across the locker room. 

Instead, he replies back _haha_ and scrubs his eyes before anyone notices he's crying.

ii.

He doesn't remember the exact moment he falls in love with Justin, but he knows it happened all at once. From being just someone who's there to being the person he always wants there. He knows he's married, knows Justin is, but he finds himself seeking him out to celebrate after a win.

He's jealous, Cam and J.D. and Justin in the outfield-- all bringing it in for a hug. Nick tries not to look on too long, or wonder what it feels like to have Justin's strong arm wrapped around his shoulder. He pushes it down because he's a good boy and good boy's don't want to get on their knees for their beautiful teammates. 

Justin invites him for drinks and he goes because he wants to follow and he doesn't know how it transpires but he's in the back of a limo with the partition rolled up and Justin's got him pressed back against the seat cushions. 

Nick can't even muster a cursory "we shouldn't". 

He gives in and lets Justin take everything he wants. 

(Which is everything Nick can offer.)

iii.

"I think I love you." Nick whispers against the back of Justin's neck.

He thinks he's asleep.

"I think I love you too," Justin replies back, he laughs when Nick startles. "Come here." 

In the dark, Justin's arms wrap around him and his lips find his cheek and then his jaw line and then his mouth.

iv.

He can't beg Justin to not go; he wants to beg him though.

Justin doesn't have a choice. (He had a choice.) 

He could have stayed. (He wasn't going to stay.)

He wouldn't have left. (They all leave…)

v. 

Justin texts him before every game. _Good luck, Nicholas_

And at the end of every game, _I'm sorry :(_ or _Good going!_ or _You'll get them next game, chin up, Nicky_

Nick ignores them but saves every single one and reads the line of unanswered texts with a catch in his chest. 

He tells himself that Justin chose to leave. 

( _But he loved you, he loves you, he lo_ \-- he forces his brain to shut up.)

vi.

It's bright and sunny in Anaheim, in the middle of October, and it's depressing but also good to leave the blustery days of October in Michigan behind, losing record still aching, fingertips still freezing from the early frost.

But it's all sunshine and t-shirts and he's feeling ridiculous but in an easy good mood, bright red shirt with that dumbass Halo A on the front of it. But hey-- he's decided he's gonna make it right, he's gonna make it good. 

So he gets a seat in left field, right at the wall, and when he's coming over before the game-- Nick whistles a little and Justin turns and recognizes him immediately. He's got the **8 Upton** on his back and he's feeling no shame, leaning over the outfield wall with a giant smile on his face. 

"Knock 'em dead, slugger," Nick tells him teasingly, as other people around jostle him for autographs. 

But he waits around and Justin finds him after the game. 

The Angels are going to the ALDS. Nick is gonna be there, too. Not the way he wants to be, but. 

Justin has a nice apartment and a huge bed and a ton of time. So Nick does what he always does and gives Justin everything he has to offer. 

(It's just himself-- but that's enough.)


End file.
